Guest Vignette by Byran Stanley
I don’t believe that Adrian Peterson, the NFL player who disciplined his child with a “switch” from a tree, deserves to face criminal charges. Although, it is child abuse. I used to rely on the “fear through pain” method. It wasn’t until seeing the after effects that I learned that different children require different methods of discipline. My stepson was already dealing with emotional trauma from not having his dad consistent in his life, so he was initially very excited about having me around. I killed that joy with each spanking I gave him. Those spanking made him feel even more inadequate and ate away at his confidence. He would be afraid to tell me something as simple as he’s hungry. I didn’t understand it, because he rarely got spankings. My initial reaction was that he needed to toughen up. I realized later that I had created a hostile environment for him—he could never feel safe. My stepdaughter was completely different from her brother. The more I spanked her, the more she rebelled. Her will was just so strong, just like her mother. I thought I had to find a way to break her will, but then I realized that breaking her will is not the answer. That strong will could be what propels her to a successful future. I didn’t think you could reason with a three year old, but talking to her worked a lot better than spanking her. One time I let her know that I was disappointed in her for misbehaving and she cried. That let me know she understands. I believe whooping entered Black Culture from slavery when we were beat with whips and anything else the slave owners could find. We in turn carried out that same punishment to our kids and thus beginning the cycle. Parents are supposed to help their kids build on their strengths, not tear them down.
I don’t believe that Adrian Peterson, the NFL player who disciplined his child with a “switch” from a tree, deserves to face criminal charges. Although, it is child abuse. I used to rely on the “fear through pain” method. It wasn’t until seeing the after effects that I learned that different children require different methods of discipline. My stepson was already dealing with emotional trauma from not having his dad consistent in his life, so he was initially very excited about having me around. I killed that joy with each spanking I gave him. Those spanking made him feel even more inadequate and ate away at his confidence. He would be afraid to tell me something as simple as he’s hungry. I didn’t understand it, because he rarely got spankings. My initial reaction was that he needed to toughen up. I realized later that I had created a hostile environment for him—he could never feel safe. My stepdaughter was completely different from her brother. The more I spanked her, the more she rebelled. Her will was just so strong, just like her mother. I thought I had to find a way to break her will, but then I realized that breaking her will is not the answer. That strong will could be what propels her to a successful future. I didn’t think you could reason with a three year old, but talking to her worked a lot better than spanking her. One time I let her know that I was disappointed in her for misbehaving and she cried. That let me know she understands. I believe whooping entered Black Culture from slavery when we were beat with whips and anything else the slave owners could find. We in turn carried out that same punishment to our kids and thus beginning the cycle. Parents are supposed to help their kids build on their strengths, not tear them down.
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